Comfort object or blankie: why your child gets so attached

A bear that's been hugged threadbare, a floppy rabbit or a little blanket that never quite gets clean again. Many children have a comfort object or blankie that goes everywhere with them: to bed, to grandma's, to nursery. If it gets lost, the world suddenly feels a little too big.

Here you'll read what a transitional object is, how a cuddly toy or comfort blanket helps with goodbyes and sleep, what to do if it goes missing and why there's no need to wean your child off it. And why so many adults still have a cuddly toy.

What is a transitional object?

A transitional object, often simply called a comfort object, is a favourite cuddly toy, comfort blanket or small blanket that a young child becomes attached to and that gives them comfort and something to hold on to when you're not around. It helps with transitions, such as saying goodbye, going to sleep or staying over somewhere. The term comes from the British paediatrician and psychoanalyst Donald Winnicott.

Winnicott described the transitional object in the early 1950s. He saw it as the first possession that truly belongs to the child, and as a bridge between the safety of the parent and the big world beyond. The cuddly toy smells and feels familiar, even when the surroundings don't. Winnicott didn't see that as a weakness, but as a healthy part of development.

At what age does a child become attached to a comfort object?

Many babies start to become attached to a cuddly toy or cloth from around six or seven months. Around that time they notice that you're not always nearby. Other children only pick a favourite as a toddler.

Not every child has a comfort object, and that's fine. Some children find comfort in their thumb, or mostly in you. There's no need to push a cuddly toy on them.

In bed, the safe sleep advice applies. During the first year, your baby sleeps in an empty cot: no large soft toys, pillows or duvet. After their first birthday, a comfort blanket or a small, safe cuddly toy without loose eyes, buttons or ribbons can join them. Large soft toys in bed are fine from around 2 years.

Why a comfort object or blankie gives your child something to hold on to

A cuddly toy is something your child holds in their own hands when everything else is briefly out of their control. That's why it becomes so important at moments of transition:

• Goodbyes. At the nursery door or at grandma's, the cuddly toy is a little piece of home that stays.
• Sleep. Falling asleep is also a way of letting go. A familiar smell and a soft little body make the dark feel smaller. Also read how a steady bedtime routine for your child helps with this.
• Sleepovers and holidays. A strange bed feels different, but the cuddly toy feels the same everywhere.
• School and new situations. The first day of school, a new teacher, a house move: the cuddly toy comes along as a steady point. Ask the school or nursery how they handle it. Sometimes it can go in the bag or gets its own little spot. Also read what to do about first day of school nerves.

With something familiar close by, many children feel just a little braver. And in their play they work through what they experience: the cuddly toy goes to the doctor or has to go to school too.

A strange bed feels different, but the cuddly toy feels the same everywhere.

Lost cuddly toy? How to prevent it and how to cope

Anyone who has ever searched a playground in the evening knows how big the heartache can be. This helps:

1. Buy a spare cuddly toy in good time. If you notice your child has a favourite, buy a second, identical one. Swap them regularly so they both smell and feel the same.
2. Put your name and phone number in it. That makes it easier for a found cuddly toy to find its way back.
3. Agree on a fixed spot. Let your child choose where the cuddly toy waits when it can't come along, for example on the pillow or in a basket. And really do put it back there.
4. Wash it regularly. About once every six weeks, and sooner if it's dirty or your child has been ill. That way your child becomes attached to the cuddly toy itself, and less to one particular smell. Check the care label first. In a pillowcase or laundry bag, it stays in one piece in the machine.
5. Is it really lost? Acknowledge the sadness and take it seriously. Be honest about what happened and let your child help choose a new cuddly toy. A new companion can be given time to become familiar.

A new companion can be given time to become familiar.

Should your child give up their comfort object?

No. There's no age at which a child has to give up their cuddly toy. Most children need it less over time, all by themselves. First it stays at home when they go to school, later it only stays in bed, and one day it sits on the shelf. That fits with how a transitional object works: the feeling of safety moves more and more to the inside.

Putting on pressure often backfires: the harder you pull, the tighter your child holds on. If you want to limit daytime use, agree together where the cuddly toy will wait for your child.

A heavier cuddly toy from 3 years

Some children mainly look for something solid to hold on to in their cuddly toy. They squeeze it tightly or lie half on top of it. For children aged 3 and over, a heavy stuffed animal or weighted stuffed animal can then be a lovely addition.

A Hugsback weighs 2 kg, is approximately 45 cm long and is filled with fine glass beads distributed throughout the whole body. That makes it feel firmer and more present than an ordinary cuddly toy, like a warm hug that hugs you back. That can offer extra comfort during story time, on the sofa after school or at bedtime.

It always stays voluntary. Your child picks it up themselves, can lift it and put it down on their own, and it never belongs on the face. Never use it as a punishment or to keep your child still. A weighted plush toy doesn't have to replace the comfort object either: your child can simply keep both. Read all about age, weight and safe use in weighted stuffed animal for your child.

Adults with a cuddly toy: perfectly normal

The need for something soft doesn't stop when you grow up. Many adults still keep a cuddly toy from their childhood in the bedroom, or simply sleep with it. Clinical psychologist Patrick Luyten (KU Leuven) told the Belgian broadcaster VRT that there's no problem with that, as long as it doesn't get in the way of your development or your relationship.

A cuddly toy brings back the feeling of safety from your childhood. In times of sadness, homesickness or a move, that can be exactly what you need. There's nothing to be ashamed of. Also read about a comfort plush for adults and children.

Frequently asked questions

How do you get your baby used to a cuddly toy?

Give the cuddly toy to your baby during the day when you're nearby, for example during feeds or story time. That way it starts to smell of you and becomes familiar. Don't force anything: not every child chooses a cuddly toy.

When can a baby sleep with a cuddly toy?

Playing and cuddling during the day is fine early on, as long as you're there. In bed, only after their first birthday: then a comfort blanket or a small cuddly toy without loose parts can join them. Large soft toys in bed are fine from around 2 years.

Up to what age is a comfort object normal?

There's no limit. Most children need their cuddly toy less as the years go by, at their own pace. Teenagers and adults often still have a cuddly toy too.

Is it weird to sleep with a cuddly toy as an adult?

No. Many adults find comfort in a cuddly toy. As long as it doesn't get in the way of your daily life and your relationships, there's nothing to worry about.

Finally

For many children, a comfort object is their very first piece of safety of their own. Give it room, keep a spare ready and let your child decide when to let go. Looking for something soft with a little more weight, for your child aged 3 and over or for yourself? Then take a look at all weighted stuffed animals or go straight for the faithful 2 kg Elephant. With 30 days' free returns, a new companion has plenty of time to become familiar.