Bedtime routine for kids: helping your child go to bed calmly

The same struggle every evening: one more video, one more glass of water, one more time out of bed. A calm bedtime routine for kids can make that a lot easier. Not because it's a trick, but because a fixed order lets your child feel: the day is over, now your body can rest.

In this article you'll read what a bedtime routine can look like in practice, what to do if your child keeps getting out of bed and how to adapt the routine to your child's age. For children aged roughly 3 to 12.

Why a regular bedtime routine for kids helps

A bedtime routine, or bedtime ritual, is a fixed order of calm steps your child goes through every evening on the way to bed, such as brushing teeth, a story and saying goodnight. Children get a lot out of that predictability. They know what's coming, there's less to negotiate and the steps become a countdown your child recognises as the start of the night.

A steady daily routine for your child helps too: going to bed and getting up at roughly the same time every day, weekends included. Daylight during the day, especially in the morning, and a dark bedroom at night support the sleep-wake rhythm.

Bedtime routine for kids: an example in 7 steps

This example is for a child who goes to sleep at around 7.30 pm. Shift the times to whatever suits your family. It's about the order, not the minute.

1. 6.30 pm: screens off. Give a heads-up a few minutes beforehand, so your child can finish a video.
2. 6.40 pm: quiet play and tidying up. A puzzle or some drawing, then tidying the toys away together.
3. 6.55 pm: dim the lights. Big lights off, a soft lamp on.
4. 7.00 pm: bathroom. Wash, brush teeth, go to the toilet, pyjamas on and one last sip of water.
5. 7.10 pm: story time. On the sofa or in bed, with a favourite cuddly toy close by. Older children read on their own for fifteen minutes.
6. 7.25 pm: a short chat about the day. What was nice, what was hard, what are you looking forward to tomorrow?
7. 7.30 pm: goodnight. Cuddly toy in bed, the usual goodnight kiss, a night light if you like and the door left the way your child is used to.

In this example, the calm part, from bathroom to goodnight, takes about 20 to 30 minutes. The screen-free hour before it makes the transition easier. Better to keep it short and the same than long and different every evening.

Better to keep it short and the same than long and different every evening.

Screens off earlier and the lights dimmed

Screens bring a lot of stimulation: fast images, sound and excitement. Dutch youth health care guidelines on sleep advise avoiding television and video games in the hour before bedtime and keeping screens out of the bedroom.

Dimmed lighting in the evening helps the body switch into sleep mode, and a cool, dark bedroom makes falling asleep easier. If your child is afraid of the dark, a soft night light is fine. Save wild games and rough-and-tumble play for earlier in the evening.

Story time and a short chat about the day

For many children, story time is the best part of the evening. You sit close together and attention moves from the busyness of the day to the story. Choose a book that isn't too exciting.

Then plan in a short chat. Children sometimes take worries to bed with them, like an argument or a test. If they can talk about it for a moment, they'll spend less time going over it in bed. Three questions are enough:

• What was the best moment of today?
• Was anything difficult or scary?
• What are you looking forward to tomorrow?

If something big comes up, agree that you'll talk about it more tomorrow.

A favourite cuddly toy and a weighted stuffed animal

For many children, a favourite cuddly toy is part of the bedtime routine. It smells familiar and feels the same everywhere, at grandma's or on holiday too. You can read why children get so attached to one cuddly toy in our article on comfort objects.

Some children find a heavy stuffed animal extra comforting. A Hugsback weighs 2 kg and is filled with fine glass beads, spread throughout the whole body. On their lap during story time, the weight feels like a calm hug to many children. It can help them sit still for a moment and settle after a busy day.

How to use it safely:

• Suitable from 3 years, not for babies and younger toddlers.
• Always voluntary: your child chooses. Never as a punishment or to keep your child quiet.
• If it comes to bed, place it next to your child. It must never lie over the face or neck.
• Your child must always be able to push the plush toy away on their own.

Read more about age, weight and safe use in the article about a weighted stuffed animal for your child.

If your child keeps getting out of bed

Almost every child tries it now and then. Often it isn't defiance, but difficulty letting go of the day or of you. What helps is staying calm and predictable.

1. Remove the excuses beforehand. Going to the toilet, a drink and one last cuddle belong in the routine, before the light goes out. Announce bedtime five to ten minutes in advance, so the end of playtime doesn't come as a surprise.
2. Calmly take your child back. Without many words, for example: "It's sleep time, I'm taking you back to bed."
3. Don't give extra attention. No new story or long conversation.
4. Do it the same way every time. It can take a few evenings to get used to. When it works, mention it the next morning.

Never make going to bed a punishment. If your child is scared, a night light, a favourite cuddly toy or the door left ajar often help more than strictness. If falling asleep often takes longer than half an hour and this has been going on for around three months, talk to your health visitor, school nurse or GP.

Often it isn't defiance, but difficulty letting go of the day or of you.

Adapting the bedtime routine to your child's age

Pre-schoolers usually need ten to twelve hours of sleep in 24 hours, school-age children ten to eleven hours. If your child is well rested during the day, you're usually on the right track.

As a guide for bedtimes by age:

• 5 to 6 years: between 7.00 and 7.30 pm
• 7 to 8 years: between 7.30 and 8.00 pm
• 9 to 10 years: between 8.00 and 8.30 pm
• 11 to 12 years: between 8.30 and 9.00 pm

• 3 to 5 years: short, fixed steps and lots of repetition. A picture schedule on the door helps young children see for themselves what's coming next.
• 6 to 8 years: your child does more on their own, like brushing their teeth. Story time often stays the highlight.
• 9 to 12 years: more say of their own, such as reading by themselves and a slightly later bedtime. Phones and tablets are best kept out of the bedroom at night.

Frequently asked questions

How long should a good bedtime routine for a child take?

For many children, 20 to 30 minutes works well, from brushing teeth to goodnight. What matters more than the length is that the steps happen in the same order every evening.

What time should a child go to bed?

That differs from child to child. As a guide, children aged 5 to 6 go to bed between 7.00 and 7.30 pm, and this moves on by half an hour every two years, up to 8.30 to 9.00 pm at around 11 to 12.

How long does it take for a new bedtime routine to settle in?

Allow a few weeks. In the first few evenings your child may still protest or ask for extra things. Calmly stick to the same steps, and the routine will soon feel normal.

How long before sleep should a child stop using a tablet?

The advice is to avoid television and video games in the hour before bedtime and to keep screens out of the bedroom.

Can my child sleep with a weighted stuffed animal?

From 3 years that's fine, as long as the plush toy lies next to your child and never over the face or neck. Your child must always be able to push it away on their own.

Finally

A calm bedtime routine doesn't have to be perfect. The same small steps, dimmed lights, a story and a familiar cuddly toy: that's how your child feels the day is allowed to end. Browse all weighted stuffed animals and, if you find it hard to wind down yourself, read how as a parent you can fall asleep more calmly with a regular evening routine.