The cuddle hormone oxytocin: what touch does for you

A warm hug from someone you trust can feel like coming home. You often read that this is down to the cuddle hormone oxytocin. But what is oxytocin really, what happens when you hug, and is the story as simple as it sounds?

In this article you'll read what the cuddle hormone oxytocin does, why touch and warmth matter so much for connection and feeling safe, and how to bring more warm touch into your everyday life.

What is the cuddle hormone oxytocin?

The cuddle hormone is the nickname for oxytocin, a substance your body makes itself in the hypothalamus and releases into your blood via the pituitary gland. Oxytocin is released during physical closeness, such as hugging, skin-to-skin contact and stroking, and during childbirth and breastfeeding. It plays a role in bonding, trust and a feeling of connection.

Oxytocin is released, among other things:

• when you hug, stroke or have skin-to-skin contact;
• during intimacy and sex;
• during childbirth, when it makes the uterus contract;
• during breastfeeding, when it gets the milk flowing;
• with friendly eye contact and a warm voice.

What touch does for connection and feeling safe

Touching and being touched is a basic need, says touch researcher Anouk Keizer of Universiteit Utrecht. A social touch is processed in a part of your brain that is also involved in emotion.

Research into gentle touch, mainly in animals and in mothers with their newborn babies, shows that stroking, light pressure and warmth on the skin can go hand in hand with the release of oxytocin and with a sense of calm and connection. Maybe you recognise it: after a long hug, your shoulders drop and for a moment you feel held.

If you are rarely touched, you can start to miss it. This is called skin hunger. Researchers at Universiteit Utrecht found that many people would like to be touched more often, often because their loved ones live far away.

Maybe you recognise it: after a long hug, your shoulders drop and for a moment you feel held.

The cuddle hormone isn't the whole story

Hug someone and you make happiness? It isn't that simple. Researchers actually find the nickname cuddle hormone too rosy. Oxytocin works subtly and differently for each person. It mainly seems to amplify what is already there. In a safe situation it can strengthen connection, but people who feel unsafe sometimes respond with more mistrust instead.

Oxytocin nasal sprays sold online don't live up to their promises either. And the popular advice to get a set number of hugs a day for your oxytocin has been strongly criticised by scientists.

The honest story is simpler: a wanted touch from someone you trust feels good to most people. That is reason enough to make more room for it. Want to know more about pressure and touch? Read about deep pressure and what research says about weight.

How to bring more warm touch into your day

You don't have to wait for someone to hold you. Small moments count too.

• Hug the people you love for longer. A hug where you both stay put for a moment feels different from a quick hug at the door. Feel free to ask: would you like a hug?
• Look for small touches. Curling up together on the sofa, walking hand in hand, a massage. Touch doesn't have to be big.
• Stroke your pet. Many people find stroking a dog or cat relaxing. Research suggests that oxytocin also plays a role in the bond between dogs and their people.
• Offer yourself a gentle touch. Place a hand on your chest or belly, wrap your arms around yourself or slowly rub your arms. It may feel a little strange at first, but many people find it a small reassurance.
• Seek out warmth. A warm shower, a hot water bottle, a soft blanket or a warm mug in your hands. For many people, warmth on the skin feels like being safe and held.
• Hold something soft. A stuffed animal, a cushion or a weighted plush toy on your lap gives your hands something to hold on to when there's no one around.

A weighted stuffed animal and the cuddle hormone: what it can and can't do

Let's be honest: there is no evidence that a stuffed animal, weighted or not, releases oxytocin the way a hug from a person does. So we don't claim that either. A stuffed animal doesn't replace people.

What a Hugsback weighted stuffed animal can do is something else. It weighs 2 kg, is approximately 45 cm long and is filled with fine glass beads distributed throughout its whole body. That's why it moulds to your body and feels heavier and more present than an ordinary stuffed animal. Many people experience that as a gentle hug: something to hold close on the sofa, in bed or on a quiet evening. It can help you settle for a moment. Read more about why a heavy stuffed animal feels so good.

So don't see it as a replacement for a hug from your partner, your mum or your best friend. See it as comforting company for the moments when they're not around.

See it as comforting company for the moments when they're not around.

Cuddling with children: always on their terms

For children, touch is extra important. Warmth and closeness from their parents help build a secure bond: a child on your lap, reading together, a hand on their back at bedtime. Many children also have a comfort object that gives them something to hold on to when you're not around.

Also teach your child that they can say no to a hug, even to grandpa or an aunt. A hug only feels good when it's wanted.

A weighted plush toy can be a lovely cuddle buddy for children aged 3 and over. Let your child pick it up and put it down themselves, never place it on their face and never use it as a punishment or to keep a child still. Read more about a weighted stuffed animal for your child.

Frequently asked questions

Why is oxytocin called the cuddle hormone?

Because it is released during physical closeness, such as hugging and skin-to-skin contact, and plays a role in bonding between people. Scientists do find the nickname a little too simple.

How long do you need to hug to release oxytocin?

You'll often read 20 seconds. That number comes from an American study in which couples hugged for twenty seconds after a short period of warm contact. Afterwards, they reacted less strongly to a stressful task. That doesn't prove there's a fixed threshold for oxytocin. Hug for as long as it feels good for both of you.

Is oxytocin released when you hold a stuffed animal?

There is no evidence for that. Still, many people find holding something soft comforting, especially when there's no one around.

How can you get more touch without a partner?

Touch can come from many places: a hug with friends or family, your pet, a massage. Many people also enjoy warmth and a hand on their own chest.

Which hormones are released when you hug?

Oxytocin is the hormone most often linked to hugging. You also often read about dopamine, serotonin and endorphins, the so-called happy hormones. Exactly how touch influences them in people is less clear. What is certain: a wanted hug from someone you trust feels good to most people.

Finally

Touch isn't a luxury but a basic need. Look for it with the people and animals around you, be gentle with yourself when you miss it, and treat yourself to something warm for the quiet moments. Also read about a comfort plush as a companion in times of sadness.